


valley

by skaggirl



Category: Trainspotting (Movies), Trainspotting Series - Irvine Welsh
Genre: Bottom!Simon and Top!Mark switch places, Canon Universe, Established Relationship, First Kiss, First Time Bottoming, M/M, Mark's POV, Mentions of Skagboys and Trainspotting book, More like a friends w/benefits thing tho, No spoilers! ... Except for that one pegging thing, Simon's a bottom because he would be lbr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-27
Updated: 2017-07-27
Packaged: 2018-12-07 16:14:05
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11627163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/skaggirl/pseuds/skaggirl
Summary: "It’s ma personal belief that Simon doesn’t know how tae have sex wi a person n not fall in love wi them. Ah think he is a very romantic person. Ah think he disnae treat women right because if he did, he wuid never be able tae stop hissel from needing tae be wi em, n what he wants from them is tae no want them. He wants the people in his life tae be disposable, n ah’m not."Disclaimer: I am 100% American and I tried my hardest to write this in phonetic Scots. Hopefully it flows alright and if you're from Scotland- this is my best effort and I'm so sorry.





	valley

**Author's Note:**

> (Title is borrowed from the song 'Valley' by Perfume Genius, which is coincidentally also a very sad tale about drug addiction, relapsing, and not being able to love people properly because of it. Don't look at the lyrics or you'll cry.)
> 
> Nobody is writing SickRent anymore which is a crime since T2 just came out and it's canonically SickRent af?! And since I'm reading the books rn, of course I had to write some fic. This one I'm actually proud of and hope to write a prequel to later, maybe explaining why Simon initiated their sexual relationship in the first place. Anyway, I hope you enjoy! Please let me know if you do.

Simon wasn't eywis comfortable wi it like ah was. I couldn't understand why until ah figured that not every gadge sees it the way ah do. Oan the outside, Simon has the composure of a beautiful buftie boy (whose foreign style and flair he utilizes quite often oan women), and ah suspect that the act of gaein aw the wey wi a man’s so scary for him because it seems all too right for his aesthetic. It’s okay for him, for instance, tae use his flowery and well-groomed appearance if it’s tae find himself a bird, but not for a man like maself. That would be sacrificing his masculinity completely.

After all, Simon Fucking David Williamson is the poster boy for all Scotsmen, right? And if you asked, he'd say that he's destined for better places. He's utterly perfect n cannae be homosexual. Yet the "it" in question is how ah've taken to fucking him up the erse recently, and how our newly-formed, entirely confidential relationship is not even relatively one sided. He truly loves et.

So ah’ve considered that mibbe fucking women has something tae do wi power for Sick Boy, but that's the whole point of it for a large lot ay folks. Not for me - ah’ve only ever enjoyed the emotional part of sex because ah’m no some sadistic cunt - but ma best mate Simon is aw about being the most powerful man in the room, having total control over his situation; ah’d almaist say he gets off on it except that ah’ve seen what it does tae him when he has his power taken away. There’s why ah keep finding him in these compromising positions ever since that first encounter.

Simon Williamson oan his knees n me all skagged oat of ma head n cannae get it up: that’s a funny picture ah’d never imagined ah’d see in ma life. First - Simon fully prepared tae suck a cock, which ah’m sure many a gadge has dreamt about in his lifetime but Simon would have vehemently denied doing up until now, and second - me fully attracted tae ma best mate, wanting tae get ma cock up for him but no being able to because the junk sucks ma libido up like a demented sponge. That happened a couple ay times but, each time ending in me enthusiastically switching our positions n offering him a gam instead. Ah didnae want him thinking it was one sided or anything, which ah've already sworn it's not. Ah kent how hard it was for him already just asking for what he wanted.

Submission. Someone just as heavy n big aroond as him tae hold him doon n ground him. Understanding. No inhibitions. Above all else, that dreadful word: vulnerability. Simon Williamson desperately needs vulnerability tae keep him sane. Ah think to maself, however, that the key difference between a psychopath like Begbie n a psychopath like Sick Boy is that if ah said this about vulnerability tae Franco, ah’d surely be deid by now. Simon cannae completely boattle up his feelings without killing himself in the process. The proof: (ah haven't so much as repeated this in ma mind for fear ay getting the shite kicked out of me, but) Simon cried during the first time he asked me tae penetrate him. There were only a few tears n they were gone running doon the side of his face almaist as soon as they came, but ah’m sure ah wasn't just seeing things. Ah was really ramming it intae his prostate and he wasn't making any sound so ah figured he wasnae suffering oar not liking it, n when ah looked at him he hud a sortae sour expression on the face that made the tears roll out his eyes that were squeezed shut.

Funny also how the entire universe realized how sexy Simon could be before ah ever realized anything maself. Goes tae show how fucking oblivious ye grow tae be toward the things ye think ye know best. Ah’ll probably eywis be learning something new about maself, n same goes for ma mates, like how most recently ah learnt that Sick Boy has a sexy moan that’s unrivaled by every bird ah’ve ever kent. Ah learnt about maself that ah now find men sexy, too, oar at least a single man in specific whae ah’d never felt attracted to previously throughout ma adolescence with him. It's a shame to fall victim after proving myself resilient for so long. Plenty of lassies have been taken advantage of by his Bond/Connery facade; his pretty lips; his big, round doe eyes n pupils that git blown tae supermassive proportions when he injects heroin intae himself; ah’m even starting tae find the fuckin dark Italian chest n arm hair attractive, which ah ken is sortae gross but ah assure maself did take some reconciliation tae consider. Ah have yet to tell him how irresistible the sight ay him is, but ah consider it every time ah’m in bed wi him. The cocky bastard surely knows it anyway.

So ah’m at Swanney’s now, purchasing more junk to fuel maself toward oblivion, and Simon shows up with the same idea in mind. This gaff, Mother Superior’s junkie oasis, is where we first shot up together. Best friends until the end ay time. We didnae ken what we were doing so Johnny did the injecting for us. Simon tossed his stomach contents aw over the floor first, but we quickly realized how beautiful a sensation it was. Never felt happier n never will.

— Look who it is, Sick Boy sais, awready rolling up his shirt sleeves. Ah nod toward him tae acknowledge that ah see him. That much hasnae changed since we started sexing each other up n all, ah’m still jist as apathetic as ever on the outside. No reason not tae be since ah’m living wi the cunt n see him far too often as is.

Sick Boy grabs me by the shoodir while ah’m cooking up. He leans in tae almaist whisper intae ma ear, — Ye want tae go back tae the flat afterwards, Rent Boy? Not sure if ah could even find it in me to deny him once ah’m in ma junked state, ah tell him sure, what else am ah gaein tae do anyway? Then he proceeds tae Swanney, whae’s somewhere in the kitchen, n lets me have my hit. It feels totally incredible. Of course it does.

Back at the flat, a few hours later, he’s got the gear in his back pocket n ah’m comfortable knowing where it will be when the time comes. For now, ah question exactly what he had in mind when he goat all excited at Swanney’s.

— Ye ever considered being on the receiving end, Rents? he asks, dead serious to ma disadvantage. It must show on ma coupon how flustered ah am considering it, because Sick Boy keeps talking tae drown out the silence. — It’s the whole drug-induced impotence thing, like. It isn't embarrassing but ah thought if you tried it once ye might enjoy it n not be completely useless.

Completely useless? The daft cunt disnae ken how to talk to people. — Oh thanks, Si, that makes us feel a lot better about everything. He rolls his eyes at me like ah’m the yin to blame for him being daft.

It’s not eywiys that the junk takes away my cock powers, just some ay the time, and the rest ay the time is spent too high to care tae try. Heroin dims the appeal of an orgasm tae everyone, ah think. Ah remember Sick Boy saying how heroin has great personality. It’s true. Even the person you love maist in the world doesn't matter as much tae you as heroin does. No amount of love could ever be enough to induce an attempt at sobriety, a sad truth.

Anyway, Simon knows n understands this predicament of mine. It’s a problem we’ve been dealing wi since Sick Boy is a very sexual person, and ah cannae really be bothered with it up until he’s begging me tae do something. It’s funny because sex really is the basis of our physical relationship but, even though we more acknowledge that we have sex with each other than do the act itself.

Ah s’pose that’s because without it, there’s nae real gain here for either ay us. Sick Boy only wants me tae dae tae him what a woman cannot, like. Without that it’s sortae like ma relationship with Hazel was, except we’re not making it a public spectacle. Just sticking wi each other because we eywis have n there’s nothing telling us not to. Sort ay like heroin a bit: some things you just start to need to feel okay, no justifiable reason.

Point being that ah’m not a coward whae’s afraid of trying new things, no matter how much ah don’t care tae try ‘em. Simon makes a good point about it aw. This way ah don't have tae put in the work, ah just lay back n let him take what he wants from me. And ah know he likes it the other way around maist, but if this will be enough to satisfy him, why shouldn't ah try it? Ah kinda want tae do it just because, but ah sais, — Ah never have. (Which is the truth. If Sick Boy hadnae offered to be on the bottom the first time, we wouldn't have gotten intae this for sure.)

— N ye haven't reconsidered? We’re sitting next tae each other oan the sofa, tryin tae avoid feeling awkward about the situation even though we’re definitely thinking of the same thing at the moment. Simon’s leaning his head on his hand which is propped up against the sofa like a bird who’s gossiping wi another bird.

— Ah mean… not really. Ah look him in the eyes, which is typically hard for me tae achieve, all regular social situations considered. — Do you want me tae dae it? ah ask.

Sick Boy grins at me. — Why d’ye think I’m asking if I dinnae want ye tae dae it? Sometimes ye seem a bit slow, Rents. The bastard loves getting under ma skin however he kin.

Still, ah’m far beyond convinced at this point. Ah consider drawing out the torture for Sick Boy but ah ken that giein him what he wants will be more satisfactory in the end. — Will it hurt? He glows wi contentment.

— Perhaps. But ah’ll try tae git ye prepared for it as much as ah can. He puts a hand oan ma thigh n slides it intae the inner part, not minding how ah’m not getting hard. I probably wouldn't be even without the skag. Ah’m a wee bit terrified.

— Right… okay, ah sais, shaking in ma boots all of the sudden. Ah don't want Simon tae realize n take the pish out of me so ah git up n head tae the toilet. There’s Vaseline in the cabinet that ah grab which ah ken will get the job done. Neither ay us are planning tae buy proper lubricant anytime soon. What we’re using it for is embarrassing enough as is.

When ah git back the punter isn't sitting on the sofa anymore, but rather he’s moved tae ma bedroom, resting on his elbows on top ma bed. Ah throw the Vaseline ontae the bed next to him n start tugging aw my clothes off, everything down tae ma keks. He watches me with a glimmer in his eye like ah’m both his best mate finally giein him his way n also a precious thing tae be admired. Ah like when he does that, no surprise.

It’s no nighttime yet but the sun is setting outside n the window is letting in light right over ma bed. Simon’s hair is a pretty yellow color in the sunlight. He pulls me down tae rest against the pillay n sits hissel between ma legs, finally pulling his own shirt off. — Yer looking good, Mark, he sais, but ah ken it’s a lie because ah haven't been eating enough n ah’m quite thin nowadays. Ah appreciate the sentiment. — Soon we’ll be fat auld gadges whae’ll want to fuckin off ourselves evry time we look in a mirror. _Don’t ye already though, Si? Fat auld gadge or no._

Ah’m still shaking, ah register, n ah guess Simon feels it when he puts his hands on ma legs. — Are you sure ye’r okay with daein this? Ah’m surprised he’d think to ask. Ah figure he just does whatever he fancies when he’s robbing a lassie n shaggin her at the same time. Not as charming as he appears indeed.

— Ah’m awright. Jist a bit ay a fright, no need to worry.

— That’s sweet, he jokes. I gie him a look that sais ah’m not amused by it.

Meanwhile he’s been petting my legs aw around. Ah notice wi remorse that ah’m still flaccid, ma soft knob laying there n taunting me. Simon doesn't care. He lifts me up from ma knees n settles me further down the bed, where he crouches n spreads my cheeks right in front ay his face, leaving me to momentarily panic that he’s gonnae find something embarrassing down there. Ah try not to think about it.

— Don’t worry, he goes. — Ye’ll forget about it being yer erse once it starts tae feel good. Then he leans right intae it n licks ma hole as if it’s a fuckin meal. Ah don't mean tae but ah jerk ma whole body away from him.

— Fuck! ah shout.

— Sorry Rent Boy, he sais while looking up at me wi his big, daft puppy eyes. Ah ken I'm probably white as a sheet right now n he’s enjoying the sight.

— Could you mibbe give me a warning next time?! Ah readjust so ah’m not so far away from him again.

Simon smiles. Cannae imagine ah look very sexy from this angle, rolls of fat on ma chin n aw, but apparently it’s daein something for him because he’s rubbing his crotch against the mattress under him awready. — Right. Is now okay? he asks.

Ah hesitate, but he doesn't bother wi waiting until ah say yes n takes the liberty ay diving right back into it.

This time he holds ma hips down tae the bed so ah cannae jerk away from him again. Ah suppose it’s for the best but ah can't see the appeal of being the submissive yin at first, handing over all control tae ma mate who would likely chib me for offending him about the likes of football, or perhaps not football but something just as trivial. We really can be a couple ay mean cunts. And tae think that we’re the soft ones n are totally incomparable to as hard a gadge as Begbie… that’s beside the point, but ah ken ah widnae ever shag Begbie.

Simon asks, — How are ye daein? n ah realize ah haven't been thinking aboot the tongue in ma erse but aboot some other kind of ersehole, which ah suppose is an improvement from the before. Ma lack of response signals a negative review tae Simon, whae goes, — Awright! n sits up. Soon he’s digging his fingers in the tub of Vaseline n replacing his tongue wi them. Ah close ma eyes for the part where he pushes a single finger in, slowly, n a get the fleeting intuition that Simon might dae this tae hissel sometimes, if ah’m not there tae dae it for him.

Ah seriously am nervous, n ah dinnae notice that ah’m not breathing until Simon sais how ah need tae breathe deeper oar else it willnae go in. Ma whole body is tense aroond that yin agitatin little pointer finger.

Simon gets it intae me, thank God, n I wonder if it went this slow his first time or no. Wi Alison it was a strap-on, so ah ask if it was big or enything. — No really, but a ken now wi my experience that the bigger the better, yeah? _Ah find that hard tae believe._ — N the realer the better, tae. _Ah dinnae doubt that. It most certainly seems like it wuid be._ — Ah think ye’r spoilt, gettin this as yer first time, he sais. _Yes, ah most certainly am._

The fingers don't hurt after a couple ay minutes, but they dinnae feel too special either. Ah’m not daein too much so Simon’s not getting any gratification for his hard work. — Sorry, Si, there’s nowt for ye tae dae that could make this feel good ah don’t think. Of course ah couldn't have gotten farther from the truth, but it takes Simon jabbing his pointer a wee bit further inside for me tae come tae the understanding of ma faults. Ah wriggle ma hips aroond n cry oot like a bairn when he hits ma prostate directly oan.

Sick Boy scoffs, undoubtedly feeling proud ay himself. — Ye think so, Mark?

— Fuck off, ah say, — dae that again.

Simon does it again, except wi three fingers this time instead ay two, n not caring aboot the lubrication or the taking it slow for ma sake. The sick fuck, ah sortae want tae wack him in the jaw except it wud compromise me gettin tae ma newfound end goal. It feels really good. Like pure waves of relaxation n stimulation pulsating through ma whole body. Not as nice as the skag, obviously, but nice enough tae make me forget ah’m a desperate junkie. If ah cuid have this n get a ride at the same time… that would be a thousand dreams come true.

Simon’s now getting intae it wi me, takin the rest ay his clothes off so he’s as bare as ah have been. Ah look doon tae see that ma cock is finally hard, swollen n resting against ma belly, fuckin ugly ginger pubes oan full display. — Ye want tae switch? ah ask ma company.

— No.

— Me neither, ah admit. _Ah cannae wait tae have it in me._ Hard tae worry aboot seeming like an eager buftie when ye’r naturally a cockslut, a guess, since ah’m the yin tearing open the condom package n rolling it ontae Simon. He’s been grinning like the shite he is for the last ten minutes n ah still feel like ah’m winning the game.

For his ain sake he begs, — Kin ye slow doon, Mark? Ah dinnae listen tae him. Soon enough he’s lying over me, sliding intae me at a pace slow enough tae not hurt but not torture me either. He doesn't have tae ask if ah’m enjoying it, ah’m letting him know.

Ah should be coming off ma high by now, but the slide of Simon’s cock inside me seems tae naturally prolong it. For some reason the sun’s not yet completely set. It isnae dark in the room. Ah feel like ah’m hallucinating because Simon looks like he’s glowing wi the way the warm light is hitting him from his backside. The gaff is cauld n he’s heatin me up from the inside oot… ah sortae feel like crying, too, like Simon cried that first time n ah pretended that ah didn't see, except ah ken ah have tae haud it in. _Everything's so close…_

Ah feel the slickness running between ma legs n cannae help but lift ma hips up, try tae pull him deeper. Ah wish ah cuid swallow his whole body; ah’d want tae absorb his warmth intae me. It’s only then that ah really take in how we’re daein it face-to-face, ‘cause his head is right there next tae mine. That’s another thing: we dinnae actually kiss each other oar enything. Nae reason not to but, we just dinnae dae it. Ah guess Simon’s really intae this right now, n ah am tae, because he asks, — Kin ah kiss you, Mark? N ah sais,

— Aye, Si… dae it.

It disnae matter that his lips were oan ma erse a few minutes ago. It disnae matter that he’s a mate. It disnae matter that he’s a man. None of it kin matter when you’re in this deep. His mouth is another source ay warmth that ah’m desperately seeking.

The pull is so slow, like, we cuid be at this for hours n ah probably would not concern myself aboot getting a hit. Simon’s no kissing ma mouth anymore so much as ma neck n face. — Can ah get oan top? ah say, not thinking it through, n he pulls me up tae sit in his lap, no laying down but sitting up wi me. Ah’m the one giein the ride from the top. Ah cannae believe maself.

Of coorse we’re necking again because we’re closer than ever, but he’s holding ma face extremely tight wi one hand n supporting hissel wi the other. Ah need tae breathe but ah don't actually want to. Luckily, Simon pulls away first n ma heid falls oan his shoodir. The sun still hasn't set - incredible.

Ah’m not expecting it but. Simon, whae's been in ma life all these years, sais something so brutally sincere with such conviction that ah almost believe him at first. — Ah love you, he sais. It shakes me all the way tae the core.

— No… ye dinnae love anybody, Si. _Only love me like a wee sibling._

— Shut up. Ah see now, in his eyes, eh's panicking a wee bit. He pants around his words like he's run a marathon. — I do, Mark. Ah love you. Ah swear ah’m not some sap but ah seriously start crying when he sais that; not even most birds cry when ye tell them ye love them. It must be the combination of the sensations, for both of us like, that are overwhelmingly unfamiliar and turn us intae two gushy queens.

— Awright, ah go, choking on ma ain words. — Ah love you too, Si.

He grips ma back n thrusts up intae me hard, n the timing is seriously fucking celestial because ah shoot ma load right then, all ower ma chest n his, completely untouched for as long as we’ve been at it. It’s a lot, tae… ah didnae know ah hud it in me. Simon sais, — Good. _Good work, good job. Good boy._

Yes. Ah love him n ah eywis have.

It’s mibbe another two minutes before he comes, but he lays me back doon n starts gaein so fast ah kin barely keep up wi watching him. Ah'm completely wasted, ah havnae hud an orgasm in months it seems like, which is probably true. Ah figured ah wuid be over-stimulated oar something but it still feels good tae have Simon gaein at it inside me, like a foreign comfort ah didnae know ah needed until today. Simon doesn’t pull oot tae come. He stays put even after n we neck a little mair, wi our bodies wrapped loosely around each other.

Ah willnae be the first tae say it, but he will.

— Ye ken ah meant what ah said, Rent Boy? That ah love ye. _It’s hard tae believe it when someone ye’v kent yer whole life suddenly thinks ye cuid be romantically compatible._ — Ah knew that’s what hud happened since the first time we did this. Ah couldnae help masel.

It’s ma personal belief that Simon doesn’t know how tae have sex wi a person n not fall in love wi them. Ah think he is a very romantic person. Ah think he disnae treat women right because if he did, he wuid never be able tae stop hissel from needing tae be wi em, n what he wants from them is tae no want them. He wants the people in his life tae be disposable, n ah’m not.

Awright, if something came between us he'd surely pretend he didn't need me, but ah know better. There is nae separating Sick Boy and Rent Boy. There is nae leaving each other fae good. At the rate that we've been enjoying and fucking oor lives up together, for how long we've been inseparable, it could practically be claimed that we've been in love the entire time. And as fir me, ah feel the same as he does in this moment aboot bein in love. But we’re hooked oan junk.

— Ah know ye meant it, Si.

Ah have more tae say, but ah’ve never been completely well-spoken n ah dinnae want tae screw it aw up. Instead, ah run ma fingers through his hair n take in the fact that the sun has finally set in Edinburgh. Ah willnae ask him aboot his ma, aboot Alison, Baby Dawn, oar any of the other people in his life that he’s loved in some way. What matters is that this moment in time is dedicated entirely to us.

Simon tries tae return the favor wi ma hair, but ah don’t have much ay it tae run any fingers through. He decides tae feel me up wi his mitts oan ma chest - right where they seem tae fit.

— Ah’ve been thinking aboot gettin away from here for good. Farther than London but.

This part is fanciful pillow talk, but Simon disnae hesitate tae speak up. — Awright, let’s go away. Ah don’t mean tae laugh at him because that seems malicious, but ah dae laugh because it’s impractical n he's being completely serious.

— What, we’re gonnae run away n ye’ll shag women for money n ah’ll steal shite n we kin support oorselves like that?

— Ah’ve actually hud it oan the mind tae get intae dealing junk. There’s mair poppy in that than prostituting, et cetera.

Ah scoff at the punter no knowing what he’s talking aboot. — Ye cannae deal it if yer busy bein addicted tae it.

— Yis ah can! Look at Swanney! Oar otherwise ah cuid just kick it once n fir aw. _Johnny Swan: what a fucking man to idolize._

— Swanney's gaunny be dead within a year, watch et. You can't go oan with it but you can't function without it. Somehow this conversation's taken a dose of seriousness. He frowns n ah sigh deeply. — Ye’r an addict, Si... I don't think any of that’ll work.

— Well. Wishful thinking, he sais.

Speaking of skag, ah’m starting tae feel the sick coming oan since oor last hit was a while ago. Ah remember that oor gear is in Simon’s breeks oan the floor. Ah ask, will he cook us up a shot? We kin even share a needle, ah dinnae care. But ah ken he willnae do that.

Simon injects the stuff intae ma veins in another romantic gesture that only us skagboys could truly comprehend. He’s next tae me shootin up until he falls at ma side n shows me his doe eyes, half-lidded because he’s only half aware. It takes a lot from yer body tae process skag like oors do every day, but the beauty ay the heroin reaching ma blood while ah’m holdin Simon in ma arms is indescribable. Ah jist ken that ah’ve never felt happier n never will, at least not until ma next hit.

It would be nice tae kick it for good. Ah wonder what this aw would feel like sober: mibbe it would be a drag without the moral support of ma truest friend, or perhaps it would feel better in full consciousness. I dunno… but it doesn’t matter. That’s a question tae be saved for another day.


End file.
